DAILY DOCTORATE

 `What took you so long ‘asks my wife when I spend my mandatory 25 minutes in the toilet.  “Arrey baba this is an all in one trip in which one has to get many things out of the way” (no pun intended)

I don’t know why  I have to give an explanation for this every morning.   We are fortunate that we don’t have to go out of the house to perform any of the functions now. The time spent is very little actually. This business of getting ready to go to work is an important milestone of the day  and I don’t grudge the time spent on it.  Let us analyze it.

First of all you have to answer the call of nature which takes time, sometimes less and sometimes a little more  What the hell !! you cannot save this time, come what may. Ever since we have had children we have not called this activity by a name other than Potty (P).

If I shave sitting outside the toilet in front of a mirror somewhere and take 15 minutes , it Is ok , inside the toilet  it takes less time  because everything is right there, one can take the hot water,  lather the face, change the blade in the razor, shave once , lather again shave twice and  rinse face, wash the brush and razor, dry them and put them back  all in a matter of 12 minutes, but when you do it behind a closed door it seems to be too long. This activity is called Shaving (S)

Everybody has to pay their debt to the toothpaste industry in the morning and I am no exception, I add my ten paisa bit by using a multi-national brand toothpaste  and I follow their advice by brushing constantly for at least 2 minutes, the activity takes  a total of 3 to 4 minutes. It goes by the popular name of Brushing  (B)

In the end of course is the Bath. Personal hygiene being important, a vigorous rub is also important.  By  the time you get the hot water  and other things in place and actually have the bath it takes 3.5 minutes, wiping and wearing clothes, another 1.5 minutes. A total of five minutes is spent in this activity called the Bath (B).

I used to call my trip to the toilet the all in one tour or the PBBS trip. Recently I came across the French word for shit, its `Merde’. I had been looking for a name for potty which began with M.  This made my day. It  made me change the name my all in one trip to the loo. 

I now call it the daily Doctorate. Because when you replace the P of Potty with the M of Merde, the all in one trip consists of Merde, Bath, Brush and Shave or MBBS.

Now when my wife asks me what took me so long in the loo, I simply reply that it takes time to do a doctorate even if it is the Daily Doctorate.

 

Param Jigyasu