you cant be cruel to someone so wonderful

When these horrific incidents of rape and violence happen, I feel ashamed to be a man who is  supposed always be in the role of a protector and even more so in India where there are festivals dedicated to it.

But I do search my soul and think `what if’.   I try to find if there is the same animal lurking somewhere inside me also.  What if I got tempted on a day when no one was looking and a certain girl looked helpless, and every thing looked easy.  If it looked like I would be able to get away with forcing myself on someone who could put up only a little resistance, would I do it?  Would I be able to scare the girl enough so that she would not have the courage to tell someone?  Would I be able to land a few blows and kicks on her before departing so that she would remain unable to speak  for some time till I made my escape. Mind you I have grown up in a very violent part of India.

After deep deep thinking, I think that the answer to all the above question is a loud `No’ . But mind you this ‘no’  has a rider. It is not that I am beyond temptation, It is also not that I am being scared of the law or not being able to live with the fact that one day I would be recognized somewhere, There are a billion people out there.  The search for the evil part of me in my heart does not pull a blank, it brings out memories of my twenties where I nearly did something wrong, thinking that a little indiscretion would be forgotten.

The real reason why I (and a million others) would never do such a thing is because, I have found the tender side of my whole being with the help of women. Right from the times when I was a child of 8 and used to play small games like `pithoo’ with a rubber ball( I think it is called `seven slates’ in English) with boys and girls of the same age, it was known that you couldn’t hit the girls too hard with the ball. Even when a boy hit another boy too hard, the first protest would come from a girl. Girls not only expect a bit of tenderness, they also know how to give loads of it.  You can see that the play of a mixed group of children is always less rowdy than a group which has only boys.

I had the good fortune of going to educational institutions where I could always learn a thing or two from the girls, a little more generous sharing of food, their streaks of protection of other younger girls, a little bit of nurturance, kindness, some thoughtful  appreciation and critique, I have no doubt that I would be  a lot poorer in my personal growth if I did not grow up in a Co-ed along with girls. 

There are reams written about understanding women but this much can be said quite clearly that in matters of her body, its either a `yes ‘ or a big NO  and those males who do not understand that `no’ have missed out on a life time of education.  If they cannot understand that women of all ages and nationalities and societies protect their personal space very fiercely, they have grown up knowing only half the story. They have not learnt that forcing  your way with a woman will only create hatred and no love.  There is so much more to be gained from being on the right side of these wonderful  people than to be on the wrong side

These clichéd  sentences are being written to drive home a very important point.  It is extremely important to make sure that your children learn to treat the opposite sex like equals.

DO NOT send your children to single sex schools and colleges, they never learn enough about the likes , dislikes, quirks, insecurities, fears, obsessions, in fact the entire world view of the other sex.  I am sure that if some of  these criminals  had gone to a co-ed  school from the beginning this violence wouldn’t have happened. I rest my case.

Do send me your comments on  paramjigyasu7@gmail.com.

Param Jigyasu